The Good, The Bad, The Mix

Around this time last the year, I was reading "Wherever you go, There you are", by Jon Kabat-Zinn. It means you cannot run away from your internal struggles, character, or personal baggage by simply changing your physical location, a concept most of us have probably felt in our bodies.

I didn't believe I was gonna be any happier by living in the countryside. I always thought of it as having a different set of circumstances, but life would still be pushing the same buttons inside of me in that new lifestyle. So it seemed I had found the perfect book to support my theory.

I think I was right, but I was also wrong.

I look at the laundry swaying on the clothesline with the warm summer breeze, the wildflwers blooming, and the cats' body language so relaxed while they take a nap on the grass. I copy them and go outside too. It's quiet and peaceful.

But one year has passed since the move, and now that the novelty is wearing off, I'm holding hands with my friend anxiety once again. I notice the dirty siding that I haven't gotten around to washing, the splotchy windows from the rain water mineral deposit, and the wooden boards on the main staircase decaying.

How can I take care of so many extra tasks now? What have I done? lol

So I take a break from working, and google how to use a pressure washer. Luckily it just involves pressing a button and not aiming it at my feet. I can do that!

It feels good to see the dust and the cobwebs flying away with the massive splash of water. So I get inspired, and go out to buy a long extendable window squeegee. It glides across the two outside window panels in my studio. Woosh, squeaquy clean! I can look straight into the trees' eyes now. lol How lovely!

But I haven't built new garden beds yet, which means I won't take much advantage of the summer for growing food like I wanted to. And the garage needs deep cleaning from the previous owners' leftover junk.

So what?

We planted seven fruit trees, the broccoli and tomato plants I got from my neighbor (!!!) are growing nice and healthy. I built five shelf units and all our tools live in their labeled bin, even if the garage looks ugly and unfinished.

Do you see how it works?

There is some good, there is some bad.

It's never a fairy tale, but it's also never a horror movie. Life is truly a dance of the in-between, and all we have to do is keep going, and keep on noticing the mix.

Maybe I can fix the crumbling cement on the staircase landing at some point. Maybe I can plant rose bushes in fall, and one day I'll make tea or soap from their buds. Maybe I can do all the projects I can think of - just not all at once.

And you know what? It's ok - It's just been 365 days; I'll have a lifetime.

I think that's happiness after all. And I have a whole lot of it!

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1. Have you watched "Perfect Days"? I think the trailer is a perfect (hehe) piece of art on its own! The movie is a beautifully shot slice of life, with a hopeful message throughout. I keep telling myself "Kondo wa kondo. Ima wa Ima (今度は今度、今は今)." (am I doing it right? are you curious to what that means and are you gonna watch the trailer?)

2. I know Chickpea Cookies sound weird, but I guarantee they'll satisfy your chocolate cravings in a delicious way!! 3. Cute song "Anything He Was", by Tiny Habits. 4. Amongst all the booktube/booktok videos I get recommended of people reading 58 books a week, I'm here to report that I've been going through "How To Read a Tree", by Tristan Gooley for 16 months at this point lol. Why are we often trying to maxx joy, or accumulate as much information as we possibly can in a short period of time? Don’t we read books to look at the world differently? To feel the emotions of someone else as if it were our own, to marvel at their unique situations that don't seem that far from ours? Isn't that even better done slowly, while giving ourselves time to reflect on it? I started reading "How To Read A Tree" in 2025. I looked outside my window, and I noticed the honey locust by our apartment building growing crooked, trying its best to reach for the remainders of morning light that was obscured by the shadows of the concrete jungle. A year later, now in 2026, as a walk in my forest-like neighborhood, I spot moss on the ground where it's covered by a canopy all day. It's also resting on the North Side of the tree trunks in my garden, where it gets the least amount of light throughout the day, since these plants like a shady, moist place.

A good book can be the one you can't put down and that gets you through a tough time, but it could also be the one that changes your life slowly, every time you decide to pick it up again. There are many ways to add life to our days, and I think as long as we keep doing it, it’s more than okay. That's a beautiful happy ending!

With Love, Ivna x